A RETRACTION, AN APOLOGY AND AN EXPLANATION After giving it much thought and consideration, yer old pal Jerky has decided to remove the Daily Dirt editorial dated July 11, 2002, which has caused so much offense to so many Thai people over the last week and a half. This decision has been an extremely difficult one for me, and I feel that I owe my readers an explanation of the reasoning behind it. I'll try to keep it brief. First of all, if this seems like a victory for the hundreds of Thailanders who have been spam-blasting literally tens of thousands of curses, death threats and assorted gibberish to the Dirtfiles message box, to my personal e-mail, and to the e-mail addresses of dozens of our advertisers -- as well as to numerous other individuals who work for the companies with which our website is even tangentially connected -- then so be it. If I said their efforts didn't have an effect, I'd be lying. Sometimes, assholes win by playing dirty. An argument could be made that recent history shows it's the only way to win, but let's leave that for another time. If it had only been a matter of death threats and spam-attacks, I may never have relented. I've heard it all before, over the years, from a motley assortment of Bush cultists and conservative movement Useful Idiots, many of whom live a whole lot closer to me than Southeast Asia, and all of whom own guns. Besides which, promising to end a life as miserable as yer old pal Jerky's is hardly any kind of threat at all. Also, my colleagues and associates -- while more than a little annoyed by the inconvenience -- were coping with the situation with any and all appropriate countermeasures. Everything, in other words, was under control. However, there were a handful of kind, heartfelt messages from very sincere Thai people who expressed their grievances and defended King Bhumibol's honor in a patient and rational manner… and these are the messages that tipped the balance in my decision. That, and the fact that the offending piece wasn't all that funny or well written in the first fucking place. So what has yer old pal Jerky learned from this experience? Two things. First, that it only takes a small amount of rational kindness to cancel out a torrent of spewing, irrational hate. And, second, I love mango chicken far too much to risk getting blacklisted at my local favorite Thai food emporium. Last but not least, here's a reader-created image of yer old pal Jerky's sweet puss pasted onto the front of a cockroach, for all you "hatas" out there… Enjoy! Sincerely and with love, yer old pal Jerky Send all Jokes, Letters and other stuff to Jerky: jerkyleboeuf@gmail.com

ON THIS DAY June 12 On this day in 1942, Anne Frank receives a diary as a birthday present. Years later, she will have to posthumously endure every teen-age girl's worst nightmare as millions of people pore over every word she wrote in it. On this day in 1792, while mapping out the Pacific coast, explorer George Vancouver discovers Vancouver, British Columbia, in Canada. "Wow," he says to himself at the time, "what are the fuckin' odds?!" On this day in 1965, the Supremes set a music industry record which has yet to be bested when their latest track, Back in My Arms Again, becomes their fifth consecutive single to hit the number one spot across the nation. To this day, no other musical act has bested -- or even equaled -- this feat. And here's two from the "their parents must be pround" file: On this day in 1979, Bryan Allen flew a human-propelled aircraft by the name of Gossamer Albatross across the English Channel. It took him two hours and forty-nine minutes. Also on this very same day, Kevin St. Onge takes an ordinary, everyday playing card and flicks it an incredible one hundred and eighty-five feet… a world record that still stands to this day.

THEY SAID IT! "[The Pope told me] it's OK to study the universe and where it began. But we should not enquire into the beginning itelf because that was the moment of creation and the work of God. I was glad he didn't realize I had presented a paper at the conference suggesting how the universe began. I didn't fancy the thought of being handed over to the Inquisition like Galileo." - Wheelchair-bound superbrain Stephen Hawking tells about the time he met the Pope. *** **** *** "A brilliant idea came to me as the Senate Republicans pushed their hopeless proposal for a constitutional amendment to protect marriage from amorous gay people. I agree with all of the arguments about marriage being a foundation in our culture and the best way to raise a family and nourish values. That being the case, let's focus on the real threat. It's time to arrest and imprison everyone who has ever been divorced, make it illegal to have serious marital problems and set up a federal agency to enforce it. It's just that simple." - The Chicago Tribune's Charles M. Madigan makes a modest proposal.

JOKES! Today's first joke was sent in by Willie Mims! Two condoms are walking by a gay bar. One says to the other, "Hey, wanna go in here and get shitfaced?" *** *** *** Thanks to our old pal Jim Eby for sending in today's second joke. A group of 3rd, 4th and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry, but mostly to see the horses. When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one -- holding onto their "wee-wees" to direct the flow away from their clothes. As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well-endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be in the 5th." "No, ma'am," he replied, "I'm the jockey riding Silver Arrow in the 4th, but thanks for the lift." WORST JOKE OF THE DAY Today's groaner was sent in by Naveed... A man called his mother in Florida, "Mom, how are you?" "Not too good, said the mother. "I've been very weak." The son said, "Why are you so weak?" She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days." The son said, "That's terrible! Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?" The mother answered, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."

READER'S SOAPBOX! Got a gripe? Pet peeve? Have your say in the Daily Dirt! Columns can pretty much be about anything, as long they meet the following criteria: 1) don't write shit that'll get us in trouble. 2) Keep it interesting. 3) Keep it short. 4) We don't edit your mistakes. Oh yeah! feel free to send a picture of yourself if you want. TOPIC: DEFENDING MARRIAGE FROM THE DIRTY GAYS AND LIBERALS care of: CT I'm sure you've seen this already (or something like it), but it was forwarded to me, and I found it at least somewhat amusing, if not completly surprising. I cut and pasted, so please forgive the lack of "forward" chevrons. I know; I should have added them. Ronald Reagan - divorced the mother of two of his children to marry Nancy Reagan, who bore him a daughter only 7 months after the marriage. Bob Dole - divorced the mother of his child, who had nursed him through the long recovery from his war wounds. Newt Gingrich - divorced his wife who was dying of cancer. Dick Armey - House Majority Leader - divorced Sen. Phil Gramm of Texas - divorced Gov. John Engler of Michigan - divorced Gov. Pete Wilson of California - divorced George Will - divorced Sen. Lauch Faircloth - divorced Rush Limbaugh - Rush and his ex-wife Marta have six marriages and four divorces between them. Rep. Bob Barr of Georgia - Barr, not yet 50 years old, has been married three times. Barr had the audacity to author and push the "Defense of Marriage Act." The current joke making the rounds on Capitol Hill is "Bob Barr... WHICH marriage are you defending?!?" Sen. Alfonse D'Amato of New York - divorced Sen. John Warner of Virginia - divorced (once married to Liz Taylor.) Gov. George Allen of Virginia - divorced Henry Kissinger - divorced Rep. Helen Chenoweth of Idaho - divorced Sen. John McCain of Arizonia - divorced Rep. John Kasich of Ohio - divorced Rep. Susan Molinari of New York - Republican National Convention Keynote Speaker - divorced So... homosexuals are going to destroy the institution of marriage? It seems that Christian Heterosexual Republicans are doing a fine job without anyone's help! - CT [Hypocrisy, thy name is conservatism. - Jerky] FIRST AMENDMENT ZONE / ASK JERKY! Mr LeBoeuf, Am I the onliest one who noticed, a few years back, that Congolizzy accidently called the Preznit her "husband", and shortly after that she went to the hospital for a mysterious procedure in her lower abdomen? Could that possibly have been an abortion? One-a-Day Aram [I'd say the chances of that are about 100%. - Jerky] *** **** *** Hey Jerky; Is it just me, or does this seem like practice for this? Just sayin'... K [We will definitely be haunted by this stupid war for at generations to come, in more ways than can be counted. - Jerky] *** **** *** Heyo! Call out Gouranga be happy! Gouranga Gouranga Gouranga... That which brings the highest happiness! Neateye [Fuck you and your Gouranga bullshit. - Jerky] *** **** *** Jerky, After 3 years of struggle, I finally got my book -- "BULLY" The True Colors of the IR$ -- published. So far, everyone that's read it has raved about how good it is. Pass this website along to your viewers and let's make some noise man! This is election year and it's time for a FUCKING CHANGE!!! Thanks Jerky and Great Job, Buddy [Good luck, bro. - Jerky] *** **** *** MOPJ, I'm blind! I'm blind! OMG, I did not need to see bottle guy. What the hell were you smokin when you decided to post that? Don't do it again. YOP, Bob [Okay, I promise not to... oh... oh no! GNYAAAAAH!!! I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I couldn't stop myself. - Jerky] *** **** *** Jerky me mate, In the Dirt I see something like this... "On This Day, June 7". Then, I read one of the links in the same edition and it sends me to something published June 11. I log onto your website and receive all this June 14. Have TPTB taken over our time perceptions? Am I being paranoid? Or is there a simple answer? yer mate sklag [Dude, don't you think I'm confused enough as it is? - Jerky] *** **** *** Hey OP, You proposed in June 6th's Dirt to run submitted pictures of your head photoshopped onto a roach. This started off as simply that, but I guess my constant seething frustration with the condition of our country and its leaders seeped in, and the picture mutated into its current state. Enjoy. YOP Big Bear [Not bad! - Jerky]

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